I’ve started this post a few times over the past few weeks.  I’m not very good at sitting down and focusing when there are big thoughts on my brain.  I type a phrase, perhaps a sentence, and then- delete. It’s hard to slow down, settle in, and really hash out what is on my heart.

So many of my posts have been heavy-hearted recently, or at least personal.  This one may top them all.  I hesitate even publishing it- but I strive to be both authentic and transparent with Ashton Events, and I don’t want my fears to get in the way of that. I know not everyone will care or agree with what I am sharing- and I completely respect that. But I also know how much I have gained from walking through life alongside others- and perhaps part of my journey will reach one of you.

We all go through seasons of life- bends in the road, unexpected turns, roadblocks even.  To be perfectly frank, the past few months have been tough.  There are lots of layers that pile into that- and I don’t think that the internet is the best place to splash them.  But if you’d like to have a cup of coffee, I’m happy to share more.  The basic rundown? Scary medical appointments, hard business decisions, steep learning curves, and also a large dose of brokenness.

I don’t spout that list for pity, but rather to put a mark on the journey I am on.  I am a large believer in the way the Lord uses mountain peaks and valleys alike to draw us closer to Him. 2012 was practically a year-long mountain peak- and I am ever so grateful for all it entailed.   I never thought I would be where I am at today- never dreamt this would be the journey He would have me on. So far, 2013 has been more of a valley for me personally.  I know He is drawing me closer to Himself, pushing me further than I would ever choose to go, and that tug-of-war can be exhaustive.

I read this quote the other day in my She Reads Truth devotion- “In other words, the mystery is the surprising and glorious unfolding of the gospel in redemptive history.” This year has been a mystery to me. There are so many things I don’t understand and so many parts of life that I would far rather control than choose to hand over their reigns. And yet- I see the potential of the gospel story in the here and now.  Time and history are reminders of the way He works. I see that there has to be a surrender. I can’t do this on my own- and that’s the admittance I need to readily give.

Because then that’s when He steps in. And his glory & grace are revealed through my shortcomings.  The more I see my own need and weakness, the more I see of Him.  The more I admit that, the more others see of Him.  I’ve been listening to “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” a lot these days. These verses have been balm to my soul.  My focus cannot be on the valley, the troubles or the pain. Instead, when I look to Him, I’m reminded of His promise, His love, and His grace.

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Happy Friday, everyone. There is so much to be grateful for! Enjoy your weekend and be refreshed!